A Healthy Mate is a Happy Mate
You just got a call from the doctor telling you that your wife has severe bronchitis. The doctor told you that her condition could worsen to the point of developing lung cancer. Why? Because she smokes.
You wife continues to ignore her doctor by refusing to stop. She claims she’s hooked and she can’t quit. Although, she knows the risk involved, she can’t do anything about it. She feels helpless.
So what can you do? You nag her to death to try and convince her to stop. "What in the world are you doing? Don’t you know you are killing yourself? Don’t you care about me and how I feel?" Unfortunately many people nag to persuade their loved ones to improve their habits, but the tactic does not usually work.
The next time you want to convince your spouse to quit smoking, lose weight, or any other bad habit, try taking these steps instead:
* Give positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement goes along way toward helping the psyche of the person. So congratulate your mate when he or she makes a positive change. Give him or her a nice, heartfelt compliment, especially when he or she loses a few pounds, or stops smoking, even it if is just for one or two days. Give her an incentive. Offer him or her a gift just for trying.
* Change yourself. Whatever you don’t want your wife or husband to do, make sure you don’t do it yourself. If he or she smokes, don’t smoke. Instead, take the steps to counter the affect by providing something stimulating for the person. Perhaps a long walk together to give the person exercise, or go dancing, or do something constructive together.
It may take time for your spouse to realize what you are doing and appreciate it, but the effort in the end pays off for itself.
* Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you know you have to perform something that may be hard for you to do, don’t just give it up because you can’t do it. Ask your loved one to help you do it. Have him or her join you in the exercise, or event. He or she will more than likely get enjoyment out of doing it to, knowing your being helped as well.
* See the doctor together. When your spouse has to go to the doctor, you go with him or her. Sometimes, people get nervous about seeing a doctor, especially when it is something detrimental. Go along with him or her for support. By being together you will make the experience for your spouse more pleasurable to take.
* Bring concerns to your spouse’s attention. But when you do it do it carefully and with care. Let your spouse know you love him or her. Tell the person how sad you would be if he or she allowed their bad habits to cause them undo stress, or illness, to the point that he or she no longer had the strength and stamina to enjoy pleasurable things with you.
Tactfully, and discreetly leave health information in places where it can be seen.
* Do not badger or cause your spouse to feel ashamed. Let your mate know what the facts are and back off. You’ve made your point so don’t push it anymore. Let him or her take the next step. If he or she knows that you are not being judgmental, he or she will respond appropriately. You have to be patient during this time since he or she may not decide right away. In the end, a good decision will be made.
* Accept him or her on their terms. So your mate doesn’t change, or relapses after having tried successfully for a moment. Changes are not easy and take a long time to work. When people get into a comfort zone, it is hard to get out of it. Generally, people don’t like change.
You have to remain open, honest, and above all show love and support at all times to your spouse. This is the best help you can give. By doing this you will inspire your spouse to become a healthy, happy person.
Harry Husted is a freelance writer and author. His writing projects include ghostwriting, copywriting, web site content, and DTP. His credits include articles for Internet Day, Internet World, Advertising Today, Advertising Age, L-Advertising, and a host of others. Harry is also an author of three books, Learn How to Repair Computers: Get Certified in 15 Weeks, How to Write Your Way to Millions, and How to Find and Start a Legitimate Home Business. He can be reached by sending email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit his site at www.creatingwords.com.
This article is copyright (c) 2002 by Harry Husted, and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as this byline and copyright statement is included.